Complicated Mother-Daughter Relationships

Family relationships are not always difficult but you may be finding that the relationship with your own mother or daughter has become more and more complex over time.

There are a lot of shifting expectations and past interactions to navigate. It seems like the rules for other relationships don’t apply and the “family” part of things adds a lot of challenges that you didn’t anticipate. It’s hard to know how to move forward or even, if you want to.

If you are struggling in your relationship with your mother or adult daughter as you both age, know that you are not alone. Sometimes working with a therapist can help navigate the challenging and shifting landscape.

A Difficult Relationship with
Your Mother

When it comes to your relationship with your mother, you may never know how you are going to feel from day to day. Sometimes you want the closeness you see others have with their mothers, but at the same time you feel further away from her at every interaction and it makes you feel like enough is enough.

You want to have a relationship because you know you “should” but most of the time what you feel is guilt. The feeling is constant.

You know you “should” want to spend time with her.  You know you “should” call her.  You know you “should” come to see her or bring the kids to her house.  You know you “should” take care of her.

The relationship is more complicated because you feel trapped in a relationship that you didn’t choose. Even though you’ve been told “family is more important than anything,” you were never treated that way… It’s hard not to feel a lot of resentment about it.

Even if she is different today, it’s still hard to let go of the fact that she wasn’t there when, or how, you needed her.  And if she is the same, you worry about her being around your children, about the emotional damage she could be doing.  Either way, you balk at her interference in your life… and yet still feel guilt every time you see her name on your cell phone and ignore it.

Are you ready for help?

The Future of Your Relationship with Your Mother

This relationship has to change.  It would be nice to feel like it’s okay to say no or, even not right now.

It isn’t too much for you to want a relationship with your mother where it isn’t all about her. It isn’t too much to make sure your needs are honored as well. It’s time for you to put yourself first.

How do you get to a relationship with her where you feel like a full person too? Let me help you on that journey.

A Difficult Relationship with
Your Adult Daughter

You desperately want a relationship with your adult daughter. It feels like every time you try to connect, you get knocked back down.

The relationship is so complicated on both sides you don’t know if there is any way to fix it.

Maybe you made some mistakes when she was a child that you regret. She seems to be angry about them but she isn’t talking to you about it.  When you try to bring it up and talk to her, she isn’t accepting of the conversation or your apology. No matter what it feels like there is always this tension and you don’t know how to change it.  

You can see the relationship you had with your mom at this age repeating itself with your daughter.  A relationship that still fills you with regret. You didn’t know what to do about the relationship then, any more than you know what to do with your daughter now.  This regret is not something that you want following you for the rest of your life.

Through all of this, your daughter doesn’t treat you in a way that feels right to you.  It feels like the relationship is all about her—about what she needs now and what she needed then.  She can be dismissive, mean, and hurtful.

You don’t know how to maintain a relationship and be treated better at the same time.  When she treats you badly you don’t know for sure that it has anything to do with you or if it is her day-to-day stress.

You want a relationship with your daughter and grandchildren but can’t go on like this.

A Healthier Mother-Daughter Relationship

You dream about a relationship with your daughter where you can both forgive the past.  Where she sees the human you are and understands you did the best you could. 

You hope for a connection and warmth between the two of you.  You wish you could have some days of laughter and joy while you enjoy spending time with your daughter and her family. 

You just don’t know how to make that happen. Let’s work together to try to bridge that gap between your relationship now and the one you wish you had.

Help for a Difficult Relationship

If this is you, you are in the right place. I understand how complicated the relationship with your mother or adult daughter can be.  We will work together to:

Reach out today to schedule a free consultation

Because my practice is completely online, you can have a session from wherever is most convenient for you.

Sessions are available on your laptop, mobile device or home/office computer, as long as you have internet and video capability.

If you have been putting off getting connected to a therapist because your problems don’t feel “serious enough,” know that you are worth the time and effort and it would be my privilege to join you in the process.

Your first appointment will be a completely free initial consultation. That gives us both a chance to get to know each other, gives me a chance to start to understand the challenges you’re facing, and together we’ll make a determination as to whether we should work together.